You'll Be My Secret
by secretfunnelcake
Summary: And they’re both cliché in the most adorable way. A romantic comedy and sappy love song all wrapped up neatly together with a sickeningly pink bow on top. She pretends that bitter taste she gets in the back of her mouth isn’t really there. JONAS


**This is really really really really really _really_ sloppy and rushed, but I was inspired and just felt like posting something today. I have a week off school, and first day of break, I get the flu. Karma is such a bitch. But anyways, I'll try to update more in the next couple of days. Be forgiving while reading this, and well...don't hate me? lol. Anyways...read and review.**

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1.

It's one moment when she's standing in the school hallway, momentarily distracted from her biology notes by the sight of Joe and Stella sitting together in the atrium, books opened on their laps and smiles stretched as wide as possible.

The disappointment and jealousy hit her in the stomach painfully and without warning, and she's a little surprised she can take such a hit, and suddenly being on the football team makes so much more sense.

And even though there's a test waiting to be took, and Joe and Stella deserve privacy, her eyes just cannot be willed away from the sight of the two love birds staring into each other's eyes.

And it's true, _so very very true_, that all she has brought him and his brothers is a long chaotic stream of accidental violent encounters that leave them injured and afraid and her embarrassed and well, lonely. But she was a fighter and before now she thought she could work her way through any doubt and fear presented to her but her flaws and mistakes never seemed so eager to present themselves.

She observes them one last time before throwing her bag over her shoulder, gathering her thoughts and her courage, and walking off towards biology with a fake grin etched across her face.

2.

She studies her reflection in the mirror above her bathroom sink, and her big brown eyes have never seemed so solemn. She tries to imagine herself as the girl everyone fought to be around, not just the girl next door, or the crazy best friend of the girl that finds true love and happiness, but finds it nearly impossible.

It's the doorbell that breaks the silence, and she can't decide if she's relieved or disappointed, because she was just about to let out a few tears, and maybe it's a good cry that she needs to rid herself of all this insanity.

But she goes to open the door and it's Stella, of course it's Stella, because who else would it be, and she lets her in with a smile. And it's when the tall blonde envelopes her in a hug, with reassuring strokes on her back that she feels the lowest that she's felt all day.

"I knew you had a bad day, so I came to cheer you up." Guilt makes her feel sick to her stomach, and it occurs to her that Stella really and truly is a perfect best friend.

And so Stella talks. And talks. And _talks_. But it's okay, because it's helpful and distracting and it fills the silence that the house would be in if she wasn't here and Macy can also tell that Stella is nervous about something.

"Stella?" She's cautious as she asks. "Are you alright?"

By her friend's bright smile, she knows this is the right things to ask. "Joe is taking me to the game later this week. And it might be a friend thing, but I'm getting this vibe that it might be y'know…more."

Her stomach starts to sink by the third word of the first sentence, and her smile is forced by the end of the entire statement, and really, as if she wasn't guilty enough already, because now on top of everything else, she has to fight to keep herself from yelling at Stella and breaking everything in the room.

"That's great Stella." She ignores the heartbreak and just stares at her reflection in the window, counting every flaw that she can think of and organizing each of them by category, starting with her dishonesty.

3.

For the next few days, it's ridiculously easy to avoid him. She knows his schedule by heart and it isn't difficult to change her routes around so that she won't see him in the hallway.

It's on the third day that she gives up, and decided to eat lunch with the group again. (She pretends that it's because she's maturing, and not because she's sick of eating her sandwich in the locker room.)

It's obvious from the first moment she steps into the cafeteria that luck just isn't on her side, because of course she's a bit early, leaving only one other person at the table ahead of her. The irony isn't lost on her.

"Hey Mace." And his lopsided grin nearly sends her heart running off of a cliff but she holds it together, managing to smile at him like a normal person would.

"We haven't seen you around. Where've you been hiding?" And though it's clear that he's joking, her sanity doesn't get the memo and decides to step out for a quick break.

"Hi-hiding? Me? No, that's crazy! Can't a person completely switch around their routes to classes and eat lunch in the locker room without being accused of hiding?!" Her eyes widen and she stuffs part of her peanut butter and banana sandwich into her mouth to stop the flow of words.

And he stares at her like she's crazy before shaking his head and smiling in bemusement. "Geez Mace. Your craziness really cracks me up." And again, it's crystal clear that he's only kidding around, but her sanity hasn't returned yet, and her emotions have decided to take control of the wheel.

"Yeah, well. I'm glad I'm entertaining enough for you." And her words are simple, but the force behind them is powerful and the surprise on his face is strangely satisfying.

He nods slowly and takes a sip of his chocolate milk, and she turns away like she hasn't a care in the world, and pretends like there isn't anything wrong with her at all.

She's become a better actress since he came around.

4.

Things basically return to normal, except for her getting stuck between the two friends that flirt more than necessary, giggles coming from one side, and lopsided smirks from the other, and it's all she can do to not throw up everything she eats at breakfast to get her through the day.

And even though she knows why, she pleads ignorance when all of her coaches ask why her head hasn't been in the game, and she takes to crossing her arms all the time to protect herself and taking Ibuprofen because just maybe it'll stop the heartache.

It's almost unrealistic how often she finds herself staring at him from across the hall, and it's practically unbearable because of how often she sees her best friend over there giggling and bantering like she has all the time in the world.

But she fights to hold herself together and finds herself drawing tiny smiley faces on the inside of her palm, and scribbling words on her fingers to try to cheer herself up.

And one day she finds herself face to face with him, all alone, and that's why it's different and scary and she's not exactly sure what so say.

"Macy, you haven't seemed herself lately. Are you alright?" The concern behind his words is nearly crippling, and she can't hide her surprise at his question when she answers.

"Me? Yes Joe, I'm fine. Thanks for asking." And she smiles widely and for a moment it almost seems like he has to catch his breath before answering.

"Are you sure? Because Stella mentioned that you've seemed a little off in your games lately. We're all worried." She flinches, both at the mention of her best friends name and because he puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she's positive that he notices.

"I told you that I'm-" And Stella appears and she jumps away from Joe subconsciously.

Stella's talking about the game this weekend and even though it's possible that she's imagining it, she's almost positive that she can feel Joe's eyes on her the entire time, and it makes her feel exposed and important.

She ignores it; because that's something she's had to learn how to do.

5.

When Stella decides to come to her for advice and a sympathetic ear because Joe didn't pop the big girlfriend question because he was afraid of the "date" word, she fakes enthusiasm and good cheer, and effectively hides her pleasure that nothing happened and her annoyance that it would eventually.

She pretends she's the perfect best friend that Stella expects her to be, offers soda and listens, nodding occasionally.

It isn't until she bids goodbye and shuts the door that she crumples to the ground into a heap, sobbing until she can't breathe.

She tells herself it doesn't matter that no one's around to help her because she's hurting.

It doesn't matter at all.

6.

Later that weekend, when Stella admits that she was the one that kept anything meaningful from happening, it hurts more than it should. Yes, it may be true that Macy is in love with Joe. It's also true that her best friend, who is also _his_ best friend's in love with him too. And it's obvious that he likes Stella. And yeah, all of that really hurts. But knowing both of them are hurting just adds more guilt to her heartache, because for a while she's happy that Stella's fear is what's holding them back.

She hates herself for being happy that for at least a while longer, they'll remain friends. So what if _she _was in love with him?

Stella makes him happy. And in the end, isn't that all that matters?

7.

She's staring at her reflection, again. She doesn't like who she's become, this girl who likes that her best friend isn't happy, because her happiness would guarantee her own sadness.

She picks up the pair of scissors sitting nearby, and for a moment, just one moment, she considers cutting off her hair, at least part of it. Maybe then she'd have control again.

Instead she throws the scissors across the room. She's wanting a difference, wanting a change, just_ wanting_ things to become bearable once again. She makes a promise, and adds it her to pinky finger in sharpie so that she'll keep it. Things need to be re-evaluated and it's time she's taken things into her own hands.

--

She wakes up the next morning with a game plan and a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. (Dare she call it…_hope_?) Her favorite uniform that Stella designed is dragged from the closet, and she even decides to wear a ribbon in her hair today. So when her brown locks are combed and pulled back with a red ribbon and she's wearing her fancy uniform and pretty black flats, she feels prepared. Confident enough to take over the world, and all because of her outfit.

Her drive to school is the same as it usually is, the leaves twisting and turning in the breeze and the wind in the tall grass taunting her. (And when a JONAS song comes on the radio, she hesitates, but eventually shuts it off. It's just too distracting, especially while driving.) She bites her lips nervously but tastes the sweet taste of victory. (Or maybe it's the syrup from her previous waffles, but really, it's the same thing.) She reaches school and steps out of her car and towards the entrance.

She enters the building, whistling some meaningless tune, striding quickly towards her locker, and she thinks to herself, maybe she can actually-

BAM! _What the fudge?! _She spins around quickly, her hands cradling her injured head. She looks at the perpetrator, bafflement creasing her features, because maybe it's the hit that she just took to the head, but she's pretty sure that the pretty blonde in front of her is supposed to be her best friend?

"Stella?! Can I ask why you just hit me in the head with your suitcase of a purse?!" She demands, confused and dazed.

"AH! Sorry, I'm just so excited! Nick was asking about you earlier, Mace! What if he likes you?" And Stella's eyes glisten with excitement and for a moment she's just as excited as her friend.

Then reality catches up to her, out of breath and appearing confused, and that's when she remembers the Lucas' are supposed to think she's crazy. "Really?"

"Mhm." The blonde nods enthusiastically, and out of nowhere appears Joe. He gives Macy a friendly grin that she's too distracted to return, and then they both walk off ahead of her, gesturing her to follow.

And they're both cliché in the most adorable way. A romantic comedy and sappy love song all wrapped up neatly together with a sickeningly pink bow on top. So when he walks out the door, the blonde best friend he's destined to fall in love with in front of him, and that crazy short girl that's supposed to be the comedy side of the story is left behind, she thinks that it's ok. (She pretends that bitter taste she gets in the back of her mouth isn't really there.)

It's then that she sees Nick across the hallway, staring at her, but when she catches him he turns red and pretends to study the ceiling like it's the most interesting thing ever.

And this whole story made more sense when he wasn't involved, but really, what's there to lose? She takes a deep breath, sends him a smile, and steps towards what she hopes, can become her destiny.

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**Yeah. I know. Sucky. But it's better than nothing! Who knows, this may become a twoshot. Or maybe I want you to imagine your own ending...? Depends on what kind of reviews I get. I'd enjoy constructive criticism. Nothing too mean. :P Anyways...expect an update for Heartache and Inevitable sometime this week. Yay year round high school!**


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